Caught Between One Thick Line, I Can Never See In The Dark

Stage lights are burning up, running faster to this spot...

i really feel like i don't fit in with some of my friends anymore. i feel replaced and left alone by alot of them. i dont quite understand how or why this happened, and i started remembering how i felt this way for the past month/month and a half. But i dont want to get a new group of friends...i really want to repair the old ones ( if i can ) ....but i guess they have to actually want to still be friends for this to work.

Can you see at all?

Inside Out, Upside-Down, Twisting, Beside Myself

- i really wish you had told, but i really just dont know what to feel, cuase i am feeling quatrillion things all at once.
- i really dont like some of you. i dont know why i went with you all on wednesday, and i dont like how you talk about them. but i am still stuck with you for the next two weeks, and i dont want to be friendly becuase i dont like you for very clear reasons, but i also would not like to be loner for the next two weeks, so i am not quite sure how i would act.
- i am taking it back, and i am sorry. but i guees its something i had to make a decision about after. i hope you try to understand.
-i am starting to think maybe i was invisible in may and june.
-i am starting to have second thoughts about next summer, and i don't quite know what i want.

Where are we? What the hell is going on?

summer school is a drag, again with the whole having not many real friends in my class, sometimes they dont talk to me at all, and the worst part is that i am invited to their hangout outs only because i am their friend's girlfriend.
at least my marks have been really good, compared to my marks of last semester.

i am really uncertain about high school. i know everyone says oh nothing that happens will matter in ten years, and others say that it was the best part of their life. i don't have any desire to have either of those. if this was the best part of my life, that would be really sad, although i do have tons of fun most of the time.

on the other hand, i still want lots 22of parts of it to matter, i dont want to forget any of it, good or bad, becuase of how much i've learnt, even if i regret them and of course i don't want to forget all of the good things.

fuck, i wish i didn't always not post the blogs saying how i feel, the only person who understands is leaving for 16 days. i am going to miss you so much.