Life Lessons and Secret Obsessions.

2009-11-02T17:47:00.000-08:00

sometimes i just want to write about stuff that happens. i feel as if this whole other life is waiting for me of excitement, adventure, anticipation, and love and i am constantly waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for things to happen. i just want to fall in love or have a dream come true or anything different but then nothing nadaaada nothing happens and i am always feeling that it just hasnt started yet that god has something amazing planned for me its just taking a long time getting here over this past year will the rest of high school be like grade 11 like zombie i want i want to blog and write about happenings in my life only there are nonemaybe i just need to be patient?
i dont know.
maybe i should try something different? at least i went on my first roller coaster this year. i guess that was exciting.and i turn 18. oh, look like thats going to be fun one. ....maybe i dont need to be patient and i should stop being so fucking lazy and make something happen.
like what?
all i can make is art.

The WHY GUY

2009-10-26T21:51:00.001-07:00

leave my door open a crack (please take me away from here)

2009-10-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

2009-07-09T16:28:00.000-07:00

so i am having tons of fun here.
it sortof suck s that they put me in a class that is la lower level than i should be. but at least i feel really smart all the time :)
we went shopping at le tigre geant today and i bought some drugs for my nose so i can breathe again :) and I BOUGHT MARBLE NUTELLA FOR 2 DOLLARS!! its sool yummmy!
and today i watched the jam seesionbut i felt awkward cause i dotn play any instruments.
and the t9 on my phone is getting screwed up now cause i am texting in two languages.
AND FOR MY ART FRIENDS right now Trois rivieres is hosting The International Bienniale of Contempoary Print!
i saw one of the five galleries that werehosting it and it was amazing ! and i was a t The Musee de la Culture Populaire and i went thrugh this really cool intalltion that was called the La foret Gaultier and it was supposed to be this ogres forest but it was almost like a funny hantued house! it was vair vair cute.
and my friends here LOVE Mr One Eye! so clearly they are all crazy
and we have a dog. His name is FEEDOHH but he iis really just a very fuzzy big wet TAKES A LONG TIME TO DRY blanket!
and i love fudge. i think it is my favorite food of all time.

AND it turns out i am really good at kayaking!

MORE LATERRRRRRRR

This is the most disgusting thing i have ever seen and /or heard of.

2009-06-25T14:26:00.001-07:00

Jell-O Mold Cheeseburger

Vanilla and walnut flavored Jell-O bun, pistachio flavored lettuce, cherry and cherry cream Jell-O tomatoes, chocolate and chocolate mousse flavored Jell-O burger, orange-lemon Jell-O cheese, lemon-lime Jell-O pickles and coconut flavored Jell-O onions.

2009-06-22T13:18:00.001-07:00

oh goodness.

2009-06-19T18:16:00.001-07:00

2009-06-17T19:01:00.000-07:00

is this real???

2009-06-17T18:52:00.001-07:00

NO I'M SID

2009-06-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

i like blogging pictures of bread.

2009-06-17T18:45:00.001-07:00

oh good fun.

2009-06-17T18:35:00.001-07:00

i think i am falling in love here.

2009-06-17T18:22:00.000-07:00

2009-06-16T12:46:00.001-07:00

2009-06-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

I love rain.

and the thunder right now.

:D

2009-06-16T12:20:00.000-07:00

i bet you cant guess which one i am in the picture!

2009-06-15T22:53:00.000-07:00

Secret fears:
no one will miss me
i wont be able to make friends
i get sent home after a week for speaking too much english
homesick
homework
brain aches
wont be able to be crazy in french

Maybe?

2009-06-15T22:52:00.000-07:00

2009-06-15T12:36:00.000-07:00

i really think mariah would like this.

2009-06-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's official.

Everything exists.

EVERYTHING.

2009-06-11T21:52:00.000-07:00

PS you're amazing and i don't know what i do without you.

i actually laughed out loud ALOT when i read this.

2009-06-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

almost. hehe.

2009-06-11T20:54:00.001-07:00

THESE FISH HAVE MANNERS.

2009-06-11T20:51:00.001-07:00

oh i love jerry maguire.

kids. gotta love the ben lee cover.

2009-06-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

2009-06-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

I want to meet someone and fall in love.

i want to be a mommy.

2009-06-11T19:42:00.001-07:00

i want to get a baby marmoset, please?

The Soft Machine

2009-02-04T16:10:00.000-08:00

To do:

get good enough marks to get into concordia...
85% average? or higher?
get learners
get snakebites
keep room clean
wear leather leggings out in public
put more stuff in my visual journal
finish and start painting
read all of the books on my booklist
buy paintmarkers
be less of a bitch to everyone

So I Know I’m Not Alone

2008-10-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

Thanks for being there for me throughout all of this,
sometimes it feels like you're the only one.

"If love's a word, that you say, then say it, I will listen"

2008-09-03T15:46:00.000-07:00

So these past two weeks have definately left me wondering if you still have feeling for me. I

I actually wrote this blog last wednesday, didnt finish it, and accidentally clicked "Publish Post" instead of "Save as Draft"

Which actually just made me feel alot crappier when i found out that you did, but you just didnt want to be with me.

"Son, one day you'll be a man, And men can do terrible things"

2008-08-10T20:41:00.000-07:00

Katie you're a brave girl, and I know its only just started.

I'm gonna be there at 6, with some flowers on sticks

That were clipped just to make the weak strong.

And Katie, its a strange world when girls can get so broken hearted

If it were me and the universe, I'd get the worst of this gone.

Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in your condition

The sunshine's been missing but Katie,
Don't believe that it isn't there. Oh and Katie, Katie be happy

This world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful?

We're not really here, and we're really not there We're really not there.

Katie you're a brave girl and courage is something I'll need now.

'Cause its been a hell of a day I've spent fading away

We all fade sometimes, I believe

And Katie its a strange world as I watch the tables get turned around

And you've got the strength that I've lost in a thought that would carry me.

And Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in your condition

The sunshine's been missing but Katie,

Don't believe that it isn't there. Oh and Katie, Katie be happy

This world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful?

We're not really here, and i'm really not there

Whoa Whoa And it's not the end of the world,

It's not the end of the world, It's not the end of the world,

'Cause the cops wouldn't break up this party.

And Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in your condition

The sunshine's been missing but Katie,

Don't believe that it isn't there. Oh and Katie, Katie be happy

This world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful?

We're not really here, and we're really not there.

Oh Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in my condition

Your sunshine's been missing but Katie,

Don't believe that it isn't there Oh Katie, Katie be happy

This world can be ugly but isn't it beautiful?

We're not really here, and we're really not there

We're really not there, We're really not there.

Katie, you're a brave girl, And I know its only just started.

-i hope you feel better. i know it seems difficult, but i know you are strong enough to get through thi, and don't forget that everything happens for a reson, and that this is all part ofGod's plan. i know lots of people dont believe that, i truly do.

-i really hope this works out for you and him, you are so incredibly beautiful (and i dont think you realize it most of the time) and deserve so much, especially after what you've been through.

-you mean so much to me, and i am sorry i havent spentthat much time with you lately ( i will work on it when i get back!)

lots of ppl!!

-i seriously miss you so godamn much i feel like i am going to burst. and i really wish i could feel like i could talk about you and how much i miss you at least, but i usually feel like i'll upset those around me who have broken hearts and maybe make them miss people more... sorry :(

DBH
"This world can be ugly, but isnt it beautiful?"

"With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept"

2008-08-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

Caught Between One Thick Line, I Can Never See In The Dark

2008-07-23T14:53:00.000-07:00

Stage lights are burning up, running faster to this spot...

i really feel like i don't fit in with some of my friends anymore. i feel replaced and left alone by alot of them. i dont quite understand how or why this happened, and i started remembering how i felt this way for the past month/month and a half. But i dont want to get a new group of friends...i really want to repair the old ones ( if i can ) ....but i guess they have to actually want to still be friends for this to work.

Can you see at all?

Inside Out, Upside-Down, Twisting, Beside Myself

2008-07-13T21:01:00.000-07:00

- i really wish you had told, but i really just dont know what to feel, cuase i am feeling quatrillion things all at once.
- i really dont like some of you. i dont know why i went with you all on wednesday, and i dont like how you talk about them. but i am still stuck with you for the next two weeks, and i dont want to be friendly becuase i dont like you for very clear reasons, but i also would not like to be loner for the next two weeks, so i am not quite sure how i would act.
- i am taking it back, and i am sorry. but i guees its something i had to make a decision about after. i hope you try to understand.
-i am starting to think maybe i was invisible in may and june.
-i am starting to have second thoughts about next summer, and i don't quite know what i want.

Where are we? What the hell is going on?

2008-07-03T17:14:00.000-07:00

summer school is a drag, again with the whole having not many real friends in my class, sometimes they dont talk to me at all, and the worst part is that i am invited to their hangout outs only because i am their friend's girlfriend.
at least my marks have been really good, compared to my marks of last semester.

i am really uncertain about high school. i know everyone says oh nothing that happens will matter in ten years, and others say that it was the best part of their life. i don't have any desire to have either of those. if this was the best part of my life, that would be really sad, although i do have tons of fun most of the time.

on the other hand, i still want lots 22of parts of it to matter, i dont want to forget any of it, good or bad, becuase of how much i've learnt, even if i regret them and of course i don't want to forget all of the good things.

fuck, i wish i didn't always not post the blogs saying how i feel, the only person who understands is leaving for 16 days. i am going to miss you so much.

2008-03-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

2008-02-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

i would like to take a vacation right now.

i am sorry for being a crap friend to everyone lately, and i know it's cost me. i am now completely out of the loop, and it does bother me, but starting saturday, this will change.

but i am also glad i have made some new friends along the way :)

The Exact Moment

2008-02-23T14:39:00.000-08:00

And I've got platinum vision and a tin foil touch

2008-02-21T10:24:00.000-08:00

finally, i am finished!

sometimes i eat grass

2008-02-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

i am so hungry i could eat grass and people right now. why would i join this stupid fucking fast?!?

and i have no condititioner. *angry face*

NO FOOD AND NO TEA MAKES ME GO CRAZY.

the tide is out but i can see, it is coming in

2008-02-16T21:09:00.000-08:00

Lily: “life is full of hard bits, but inbetween the hard bits there are lots of lovely bits. Jarrod is one of those lovely bits”

Jarrod’s dad: "jarrod?"

Lily: "you just dont know him"

Jarrod's dad: "i know my own family! i know him better than you, at least."

Lily:" what is jarrod's favorite animal?"

Jarrod's dad: "easy, giraffe."

Lily: "no...."

Jarrod's dad: "octopus?"

Lily: "no."

Jarrod's dad: "oh, cheetah, then."

Lily: "no.....it's an eagle."

Jarrod's dad: "an eagle??"

Lily: "yes."

Jarrod's dad looks up at Lily and smiles.

It's all over, and I'm standing pretty, In the dust that was a city

2008-02-13T19:59:00.000-08:00

And if you listen closely.....

2008-02-10T21:02:00.000-08:00

um, obviusly i should have never trusted anyone who chose another girl over me. i, mean really, why ask out a girl if you dont like her? i just dont get it....was i just a rebound or what? you say you tried so hard for to get that spark.....i would have definatly not done the things i did if i thought you only liked me becuase i liked you. and, really, its not like with other guys i have felt when he doesnt like me....it really really felt so right. it felt like it was going to last. i felt something i havent really felt in two years, and now i found out that none of that even matters, because you never liked me, and you never will. at least now i know, so i can get over you, not like i have for the past year and a half. but now,i am so unbelievably scared that in every relationship from now on, a guy will never actually like me, and i'll always be wondering that if i kiss him or hold his hand.
tomorrow is valentine's day! and i got transformers valentines for everyone! i am making a list right now! tomorrow and will go home, and watch depressing love movies, and throw choclates at the screen everytime the guy says,"i love you" i will yell,"LIAR" ,it will be great..... or i might rent eagle vs shark, and watch it with daniel, and wallow in our single misery..
i love my new haircut!!!! i love how i can make it spiky and edgy or pretty and smooth, or in a mohawk....its great! i think it suits me..
when i started this list, i had way more things going on, but i never finished that blog...and when i came back to it, i realized my feelings had changed over many things.
i dont want to get into this, but i really think you both need to just talk to each other, it will make things much easier for everyone, for starters, i wont feel like i have to divide my time up between you two. i am quite sure that if you two talked it would all get sorted out, you both could realize what you did wrong, and forgive each other.
i am sorry its so awkward. i dont really mean for it to be, and i hope its not this way forever.
why the HELL are you talking to me again?! i just dont understand.....i dont want to be friends, or else it will happen again.
Happy Birthday ANNA! I know its actually on saturday, but i thought i'd get it out!
thanks you to all you who have neen so good to me this past week! sh, al, dbh, ld, jc, rr.
i am so glad you are feeling better! i was so worried!
i am so very sorry, much of this list almost came out like honesty statements.

two three no four heartbeats in 1.5 seconds

2008-02-07T20:51:00.000-08:00

i was on flickr today, and i found this letter/ journal entry thing. i thought it was the cutest thing ever. very important things I wanted to share with you in 2007 (but never did) two three no four heartbeats in 1.5 seconds, drink your coffee and don’t spill it in the sink, what time is it? the bus number 21 comes once a day at 8:02 am. 500 golden coins for diet coke. Two years from now I will be speaking perfect german and buying my coke with one silver coin. ten notebooks and two math books, "advanced math class requires hard work" and a pair of strong arms or I wont get home in time to sleep the day away. Mr lard drank my drinks and ate my food, and Ill forgive but not forget. Keep your nose out of my business. At night I dream about people ive never spoken to, at 20:30pm I dream about gently caressing noses with chainsaws.Lets exchange some more awkward words, we will both feel less uncomfortable with time, minus plus minus equals plus, brilliant or not? Im wearing a nice pair of shoes, you'll like them, I was thinking of you when I bought them, I wonder if you’ve seen them, my shampoo smells like passion fruit and only for 19.90, I think of you when I wash my hair. I still drink vanilla milk and like death cab for cutie and still calculate everything I do and still scribble childish faces on my back-hand and I still havent found a language I can speak fluently. This is my heart's notebook and it's got wet in the rain, but it's also reached its last page, lets take out blank papers and paint some awesome stuff.

and your my good feeling

2007-12-31T10:47:00.000-08:00

2007-12-30T18:49:00.001-08:00

Tonight I watched the lights go out in your house Wondering how I could get so deep And you could still get sleep In vain I blame my trembling on the cold air But I can't hide that I've relied on you Like yellow does on blue And you're my Good feeling I'm kneeling Inside a room she paints me blue And you are My reason For breathing Inside a room she paints me blue, again Atlanta started raining on me And teenage love was underground Tonight I'll break the surface Atlanta started raining on me And no young girl was claiming me Or naming me and destiny gets nervous And you're my Good feeling I'm kneeling Inside a room she paints me blue And you are My reason For breathing Inside a room she paints me blue, again And you're my Good feeling I'm kneeling Inside a room she paints me blue And you are My reason For breathing Inside a room she paints me blue, again Atlanta started raining on me On me Atlanta started raining on me On me

2007-12-30T18:49:00.000-08:00

2007-12-22T13:09:00.000-08:00

okay yes, its taken me awhile to write in here again. i decided to change my blof to a nice, cleansing white. i really dont want to go away for christmas.
i hate to say it, but right way would be the best time to not spend with my family. i dont want to spend it with them for six days.
my mom wants to leave becuase she wants to get away from it all, but i think thats easier to do at home, when you distractions, and things to do. we wont be able to get away from it if we go, we'll just be getting away from the only other thing/people keeping me sane here.
and on top of it all, i keep on thinking of what he did, i mean i have to love gim becuase of who he is, but how do you love someone that did something so terrible?
and, i know its horrible to , but a part of me hopes there actually is something wrong with him, like something that can be cured, or that he can get treatment for, becuase then i would know that its not really him thats acting like this, its the disease...but i dont know anything about what the tests said, but i know what the docters opinions were.
and another part of me actually wants him sent away, which i know is horrible, but i actually think it might be good for him. and, i'll admit it, i am selfish too, i am actually alittle bit scared to be living with him, becuase i dont know what he'll do, and we havent got the test results back, so it could be anything.

and i am so glad i broke up with him, becuase with everything else i really dnt think i could've handled it. that wasnt the reason though. the truth is he didnt really make me feel all that special, which is not really a question i ask myself in realtionships becuase i already know i am special, so i think i tend to chose guys that wont really try to make me feel that, and i dont notice it cuase i already do feel that way....but now that i broke up with him, everyones tell me, " OH you know who else is single now!??" and yes i know it seems like fate has it for him and me, but its not like i can just pretend like the last month never happended, we would both probably have alot of trust issues, so i think i'll need awhhile to regain thast trust that we lost, and i think that might take awhile, after not choosing me in the first place, but i have to admit, i like thiniing about what it would be like, after all this time and all the events. i hope we've both matured.

this is so not helping my insomnia at all.
i actually dont what started the insomnia, was it that coffee last thursday? but since then i dont drink caffiene in the afternoon and it not helping...

i want one

2007-12-13T16:57:00.001-08:00

2007-12-13T15:20:00.000-08:00

**girls are like apples on trees....
**the best ones are at the top of the tree......
**the boys dont wanna reach for the good ones because the are afraid of getting hurt....
**instead they get the rotten apples from the ground that arent as good but easy....
**so the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them....
**when in reality they are as perfect as can be....
**they just have to wait for the right boy to come along....
**the one who is brave enough to climb to the topof the tree...!!!!!

2007-12-13T15:10:00.000-08:00

2007-12-12T19:58:00.000-08:00

and so in the perfume set, my favorite was euphoria. i also liked the nina ricci one.

he liked euphoria the best too.

snow is our enemy.

2007-12-10T18:29:00.000-08:00

NEW HAIRCUT

2007-12-10T16:29:00.001-08:00

i love post secrets

2007-12-10T15:54:00.000-08:00

2007-12-10T15:36:00.000-08:00